Dad

I remember as a child my father was my hero- I can even remember getting mad at my mom when she would disagree or get upset with him.

(If you ever were awakened by a voice that is so clear that it seemed real, you will understand how I felt when I heard a voice say my name and I awoke to no one there. This was the night after my father's funeral. This left me thinking and I was really saddened because try as I might I could not recall my dad saying my name- calling to me.)

It is very hard for me to not have a father- I just do not like to handle change. I like people to be where they have always been and I don't like it when as much as I would like Pap to be there with my mom- as husband, father. grandfather, uncle and brother, there is not a way for me to have that again- not one more time, not one more Christmas, birthday..

We had Pap a little longer on the earth than he probably wanted- I do not understand what Alzheimer's feels like from the inside but it is very hard to watch from the outside. As hard as it is to say 'my father died', seeing what life was for him over the past 18 months (a struggle?) makes it a little easier as you feel the peace he now has.

There is a bronze wheat design on the grave marker and it symbolizes a full and fruitful life- this is what Robert William McConnell had. See you later Dad.